butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
