I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
