CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
