Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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