she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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