Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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