o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize