why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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