That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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