On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
