maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
