this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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