Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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