I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
