i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
birth control should be required to get into college
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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