Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
