she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
