Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
