Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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