Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
