drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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