The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
