Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
