Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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