Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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