I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
