you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
