You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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