i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
