i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
