I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And then the night went full on bisexual.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
