so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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