Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Farmville is her only friend.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
