I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize