I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
