it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
