I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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