dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
