Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
