At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
