Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
