I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
