I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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