The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
