Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
