When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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