hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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