i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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