dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
