you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
