I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
