just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
