Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
