He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize