How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
