Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
