btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
3pm strippers are depressing
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize