And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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