I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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