Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
