I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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