Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
