DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize