I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
