I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
