I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need water and some morals
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
