Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
