I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
