kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
