Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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