Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
