it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
