I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Blood and glitter go together right?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
