you would pick up someone in the library
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
