This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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