Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
