Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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