Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
