Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
